The Underground Marketer Podcast

Episode 16 – 12 Secrets of Building Rapport: How to Make Anyone Listen to You

The Underground Marketer Podcast
Episode 16 - 12 Secrets of Building Rapport: How to Make Anyone Listen to You

How to Connect with People & Create Meaningful Engagements

In today’s episode, I’ll cover the 12 secrets of building rapport. In business, being likable is the most important factor in being successful. The easiest way to be liked is by building rapport with your audience. They will feel that you are like them, that you understand them. They will feel safe and trust you with their money and personal information.  

I’ll discuss some scientifically proven techniques to help you establish a connection with others. Most of them can be used in person, while some can also be used over the phone or in writing. They are powerful tools both in business and outside of business. If you can master these secrets, you will be able to establish a meaningful and authentic connection with anyone. Building rapport with your audience is a sure-fire way to increase your sales and grow your business. 

3 Big Ideas

  1. It’s essential to be able to match your prospect’s energy. If they are in a low mood, don’t be upbeat and ecstatic because this will turn them off. Instead, mirror their body language, words, tonality, gestures, and when you feel that they warmed up to you, lead the conversation in another direction. You do this by listening actively to what they say, gaining intel, and then asking meaningful questions that will guide the flow to where you want it to be. 
  2. There are certain techniques that you can use to be more likable instantly. To be liked, you need to show them that you are like them and you understand them. You do this by mirroring their body language, using humor, maintaining eye contact, being attentive and interested, and, most importantly, finding common ground. The easiest way to prove that you’re alike is by finding what you have in common. You do this by noticing things in their environment or language. 
  3. An important factor to succeeding in business is your emotional state. Especially when dealing with clients, you need to be in a good mood. But you probably know that’s not always the case. So the secret is finding a trigger (such as big gestures, words, smells) that will instantly get you into the right mindset to succeed. 

Show Notes

[00:58] Why building rapport matters.

  • It’s important because it gets the other person to open up and offer you valuable information that they otherwise wouldn’t. 
  • There are different advantages to using different forms of communication. For example, if you’re on the phone, they could give information that they normally wouldn’t, such as disclosing their income. 
  • However, if you don’t build rapport before asking personal questions, they will not share that info with you because you failed to make them feel safe. 
  • When it comes to sales, building rapport is the #1 skill that you should master. If you can build rapport, you will get extra information that other people couldn’t, and you’ll close the deal. 

[02:58] Tudor shares essential techniques to build rapport successfully. 

  • Whether you’re selling in person, over the phone, or online, there are different techniques that will help you establish a connection with your audience. 
  • An example of bonding through your copy is convincing them to give you their e-mail – they need to trust you and feel safe knowing you won’t spam them. 
  • Below are the 12 secrets of building rapport. Each one of these is a powerful tool that always works. While some of them only work in person or on the phone, others can be implemented into your copy. 

[04:14] Secret #1: Active Listening

  • Most people know that listening to other people is important. Dale Carnegie even says that “to be interesting, be interested”. 
  • However, active listening is more than that. I’ll offer you a familiar situation. Your girlfriend or wife is telling you about something but you’re on the phone or watching TV and not really paying attention. She complains that you’re not listening to her and even though you were listening, you weren’t actively listening. She wanted you to be interested and engaged. 
  • The way you show someone that you’re actively listening is by showing empathy, summarizing what they just said, and asking insightful questions. Basically, you act as if you’re interested and care about the subject. 

[06:28] Secret #2: Mirroring

  • If you are physically with the other person, you can mirror their body language, tonality, gestures, or words. So, for example, if they cross their legs, wait a few seconds (so that it’s not that obvious) and cross your legs too. 
  • Mirroring works because we have something called mirror neurons and when we mirror someone, we communicate that we are like them on a deeper level. 
  • When you mirror someone, you transmit this idea that “look, I’m actually just like you, I behave like you, we have similar gestures, and I act like you”. This makes them feel understood. 

[08:08] Secret #3: Pace & Lead

  • When you pace and lead someone, you start by mirroring them a few times and matching their pace and then leading them in a different direction. 
  • Let’s say that you’re dealing with a client who seems sad or depressed, who doesn’t really feel like talking, or who’s in a bad mood. If you’re upbeat and enthusiastic, you’re only going to put them off. So instead, you need to start by matching their energy. 
  • After you’ve mirrored them for some time, you need to start leading. If so far you’ve been neutral, be upbeat. You’ll notice that their state will follow as well. 
  • You can do this online too. For example, based on the buyer persona that you have, you should know how they felt when they landed on your page based on the ad. So, if the ad made them feel afraid, don’t start by being ecstatic because you’ll scare them off. Instead, you need to move them from being afraid to being ecstatic about your solution to their fear. 

[11:06] Secret #4: Ask Meaningful Questions

  • This will allow you to control the conversation because the person who is asking the questions is the one who controls the conversation. 
  • So, if I ask you “what do you stand to lose if you say no to this deal?” or “what’s going to happen if you don’t buy this today?”, you’re obviously going to start focusing on this. So you’re actually going to ask yourself “oh, what’s going to happen?” 
  • Asking meaningful questions means asking questions that the other party is comfortable answering. You can’t ask someone you’ve just met how much money they’re making. So you have to start from the beginning, asking questions like where do you work or what’s holding you back at work. It takes some practice, but it’s a useful skill. 

[12:55] Secret #5: Future Pacing

  • You use this technique towards the later stages of the sales interaction. What you have to do is help the other person see the beneficial consequences of purchasing your product or service. You need to get them to imagine the benefits that this purchase will have on their future. 
  • Let’s say that you’re trying to future pace the purchase of a Ferrari to a client who seems unsure. So you’d say stuff like “how’d you feel taking your wife on a ride in this baby?” The client will imagine riding with his wife in the Ferrari and how that would make her feel.  
  • The client will feel like you care about them and their future and this will make them trust you. They’ll feel that you’re helping them get to that future fantasy. 

[14:50] Secret #6: Find Common Ground

  • Being likable is important. One thing that makes people like you is if they see that you’re like them. 
  • When you find common ground with someone, they feel that you’re like them and that they can trust you. In addition, they’ll feel like they already know you, so they are more likely to reveal information that they normally wouldn’t. 
  • You find common ground by noticing things. So, for example, maybe they have a football on their desk or a tennis racket in their office. If that’s a common ground for you, bring it up. Something like “oh, I didn’t know you play tennis, where do you play, do you want to play together sometime?”
  • Finding common ground can be very powerful. If you don’t find common ground by noticing things, start asking questions and find what you have in common. Maybe you went to the same school or university! 
  • When you do copywriting, you find common ground through research. You identify the kind of language that your audience uses and use the same language in your ad or landing page. That’s how you show people that you get them. 

[16:37] Secret #7: Use Humor

  • This is not so effective in writing, because humor is more difficult to get across, but it’s very effective in person. 
  • If you can crack a joke or do something goofy that makes you relatable, establishing rapport can be very effective because it changes the mood from cold and professional to warm and friendly. 
  • So let’s say that they are at work and they are bored – they are not in a happy state, so they’re not really open to buying stuff. If you can crack a good joke, they’ll start laughing and interacting with you. Their mood will suddenly change and they’ll let their guard down and relax. 
  • Be careful with the humor that you use – don’t use dark humor, don’t make offensive jokes. Let’s say that you crack a political joke about Trump and your prospect likes Donald Trump. This could get you into more difficulty. 

[18:26] Secret #8: Empathy

  • When it comes to empathy, you need to share to the prospect that you care about them. You’re not just trying to make a sale. If they see that you’re engaging with them just to make a sale, they’ll feel used and have their guard up. 
  • In order to build rapport show interest. If they say something that’s important to them, don’t brush it off. Instead, engage with them on the subject. 
  • If you want to show empathy online, you have to research what your target audience cares about and use that. You’re more likely to buy something if you feel that the ad and the company understand you. 

[19:55] Secret #9: Labeling

  • If somebody tells you something, if you can label their emotions, you’ll show understanding and empathy. 
  • For example, if they are complaining about a colleague that didn’t get back to them, you can tell them that it sounds like they are feeling frustrated because of this. So you’re labeling what they are feeling or thinking, but not saying. This will make them open up and share information. 

[21:14] Secret #10: Eye Contact

  • It doesn’t apply online, but in person, it’s important that you establish eye contact. However, don’t pierce them or stare at them because you’ll make them feel uncomfortable. Have a relaxed gaze and regard them with interest. 

[22:05] Secret #11: Tonality 

  • You want to use your tonality to convey certain attitudes, such as certainty, confidence, and empathy. Conveying certainty positions you as an authority. If I’m convinced about what I say, you’ll also be convinced. 
  • If you change your tone, you can change the meaning of what you’re saying. It’s not so much what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it. If you say it in a way that conveys that you don’t know what you’re talking about or you sound insecure, you won’t convince anyone. 
  • You need to practice and find a tone that you use naturally when you feel confident and certain. That’s the tone that you want to use. 
  • Tudor says that he learned this from Jordan Belfort, who is probably the best in the world when it comes to tonality. He has never heard someone who speaks with the confidence of Belfort. 
  • If you want to learn more about tonality, Belfort’s Straight Line Persuasion Course is great, as well as his book The Way of The Wolf. Tudor recommends the audiobook, as it’s going to help more with the tonality. 

[25:00] Secret #12: Your Emotional State

  • Your state of mind is very important. You don’t want to go into a meeting with a prospect while being in a low state. You’ll be low energy, you’ll feel tired, depressed, unhappy, etc. And that’s going to translate over to them. 
  • Thus, getting into the right state before interacting with clients is very important. Powerful ways to do this are big physical movements (such as chest out), imagining a moment when you felt confident and certain, using an anchor (such as words or gestures). For example, tennis player Rafael Nadal has certain gestures before he serves that get him into the right mindset. 
  • Whatever it is, it’s important to have something that triggers the right state for you on demand. This will prove to be very useful in sales. 

[27:03] Tudor highlights the most important points of this episode.

  • Building rapport is the key to sales. If you’re effective at building rapport, you can get the information that you need and close the deal. 
  • If you master all these secrets, you’ll become a much more effective salesperson. 
  • Many of them can be applied in writing as well, so they are useful even if you are a copywriter. 
  • They can come in handy when dealing with employees, clients, investors, even in personal relationships. 

[28:00] Tudor summarizes the 12 secrets to creating rapport. 

    1. Active Listening – show them that you are present, listening to them, and understanding them. 
    2. Mirroring – mirror the body language or words of your prospect
    3. Pace & Lead – mirror them, match their energy, and lead them where you want them to be mentally and emotionally. 
    4. Ask Meaningful Questions – ask questions that they are comfortable answering.
    5. Future Pacing – get them to imagine their future with or without your product or service. 
    6. Find Common Ground – look for what you have in common and prove that you’re like them. 
    7. Use Humor – it helps to change their state instantly, but be careful to use appropriate humor. 
    8. Empathy – show them that you care about them.
    9. Labeling – you show understanding about their feelings or thoughts and it gets them to open up more. 
    10. Eye Contact – look at them, but don’t stare at them because you’ll make them feel uncomfortable. 
    11. Tonality – convey certainty and empathy through your tone. 
    12. Your Emotional State – try to get into a peak state, where you’re confident, you believe in yourself, in your product, and that it can help them. 

Recommended Resources

Influence by Robert B. Cialdini 

Way of the Wolf by Jordan Belfort 

Straight Line Persuasion Course by Jordan Belfort 

Full Transcript

Read The Full Transcript

Introduction    00:00:03    Marketing, explosive growth, and revolutionary secrets that can catapult your business to new heights. You’re now listening to The Underground Marketer Podcast with your host Tudor Dumitrescu, the one podcast devoted to showing new businesses how to market themselves for high growth. 


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:00:34    Welcome to the underground marketer. This is the place where we deliver the real truth of our marketing and explore big ideas that can help new businesses thrive and grow into big ones. I’m your host Tudor. And today the topic that we will be covering are the 12 secrets of building rapport. So whenever we market, or whenever we speak with a prospect or a possible customer, there are certain things that we have to do in order to build rapport with that person. And why is building rapport important? So building rapport is important because it gets the other person to open up and give you intelligence and information that you may want them to give you that they wouldn’t otherwise. You know, so in terms of web and doing this stuff on the web, so in terms of your copywriting, it could get them to fill out a form that they wouldn’t fill out otherwise. If you’re on the phone with them, it can get them to give you information that they wouldn’t give otherwise. 


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:01:27    Like, for example, if you ask how much money do you make roundabout, you know, per year, if you don’t build rapport before you ask that question, they will not want to give you that information because they don’t feel safe with you. You know, when you build rapport with somebody, they feel safe with you and they open up and they’re ready to share stuff with you. So the skills that you need in sales and the skills that you need to build rapport are pretty much exactly the same skills that a good therapist needs, you know, to get the patient to open up. And it’s not the stuff that you generally see with salespeople. You know, the general image of the hard selling salesman, who presses you and whatnot, who’s aggressive, and so on. The people who are great salesman, including people like Jordan Belfort, they don’t actually act like that.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:02:20    You know, they’re very good at building rapport. So I would say that when it comes to sales, building rapport is perhaps the number one skill that you should have. And it’s more important than closing. It’s more important than anything else, because if you successfully build rapport, then you can get extra information from that person that the other guy couldn’t get. And you can then use that information to be more effective in closing that person. So if you don’t have the rapport and you fail to build report, then you can’t close that person, right? Because you can’t access the information that you need to actually close them. So that’s where this comes in. That’s why it’s so important. And it’s so critical. And I mean, if you are, if you’re not selling by voice or by person or in person, and you’re selling over the phone, this is equally important.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:03:13    And if you’re selling online via the web, it’s the same thing. You know, there are different techniques, you know, that you can develop rapport for example, with your copywriting. And you can use actually some of the same techniques that you can use one-on-one, you know, with your copy develop rapport, get them to give you their email, you know, to feel safe, giving you their email, knowing that you will not spam them. So these are all super, super important things. So today I’m going to share with you basically 12 secrets when it comes to building rapport. And each one of these is a very effective tool that I can have found that gives you tremendous results. Some of these are going only going to work in person or over the phone. Some of them are also going to work, um, in terms of copywriting, you know, with the written word, all of them are effective.


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:04:04    And certainly all of them are going to give you principles that you can use whatever your needs are, whether you’re marketing or you’re selling something outright. So number one is active listening. So most people, they say that listening to the other person is important. You know, Dale Carnegie says be interested in them. So, um, yeah, I agree with that. But active listening is more than that, you know? So when you actively listen, so let me give you an example. So you can make an easy distinction. So if I’m on my phone and I’m writing a message, and let’s say my girlfriend said something to me tells me about something, whatever. And then let’s say that she says, oh, you’re not listening to me. And I say, oh yeah, I am. And you said, and I repeat exactly what she said, you know, word for word, pretty much. That is listening.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:04:54    Right? So I know what’s being said, I am listening to it, but I’m not really involved with it. I’m not really interested in it. I’m not actively listening to it. You know, I’m doing something else at the same time. Um, and so on. So active listening is when you make the other person feel that you focused on them, that you care about them and that you’re present with them, that’s basically what it is. And it’s, it gets people to open up. It gets people to feel comfortable with you to let their guard down, to want to build a relationship with you basically. So in the, in the scenario with my girlfriend, you know, active listening would be putting down my phone and actually listening to what she’s saying and so on. So that would be active listening. And how do you actually do this? How do you show someone that you’re actively listening to them?  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:05:45    So good ways are that after they say something, you tell them that you understand how they feel, or you summarize how they’ve, what they’ve said in a shorter form, or you ask them an insightful question about what they said. Basically you act as if what they’re saying is actually important and you care about it. You know, it’s not like some irrelevant information that you just asked for the hell of it, and you just want to get through with it and actually get to the stuff that matters. So it’s not that. So that’s secret number one, active listening. So let’s move from that to secret number two, which is mirroring. So if you’re physically with the other person, mirroring can be mirroring their body language, you know, or mirroring their tonality or mirroring their gestures or mirroring some of the words that they use.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:06:43    You know? So, I mean, let’s say that there comes a point when they cross their legs, right? You’re sitting down and they cross their legs. Mirroring would be, for example, waiting sometime, you know, 10 seconds, 15 seconds or so. And then you cross your legs as well just like they did. These gestures mirroring, what actually happens, and we actually have in our brain these things that are called mirror neurons, is that we relate on a deeper level with someone. When we mirror someone, we basically communicate to them that I’m like you, you know, and, you know from Cialdini’s Influence principles, that being liked is very important when it comes to influence. And I mean, when you mirror someone, you basically transmit to them that look, I’m actually just like you. I behave like you. I have similar gestures and I act like you. So, um, when this happens, they feel like you understand them.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:07:41    You know, that’s, that’s the big thing. So when you mirror somebody, you know, and even if it’s something that doesn’t have to do with the topic that you’re discussing about, like a body gesture, you know, they will still feel that you are like them and that you get them. You know, so the feeling translates. The same thing holds true with, um, the next principle, which basically is called secret number three, which is pace and lead. So when you pace and lead someone, you start by, uh, mirroring them and you basically mirror them a few times. And after you’ve mirrored them, that’s basically pacing them, being like them. If you want to take them in a different direction, that’s when you start leading. You know? So let’s say that you, you start speaking with a prospect and that prospect is obviously not very happy.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:08:38    He seems sort of depressed and he’s sort of in a low mood, you know, you can hear it from his tone of voice. He doesn’t really want to talk. He doesn’t really feel like talking. If you go into that interaction and you’re upbeat, you’re powerful, you’re enthusiastic as hell, and so on is not really going to work out, right? The guy is going to think, what? This guy is crazy, right? What’s he doing? So that’s why you have to pace and lead. You have to start by going into his world first, right? If he’s more depressed, if he’s more down, that’s where you start, you know, instead of saying, hi, I have this wonderful offer for you. You can say something like, hi, I would like to discuss with you something that may be of interest. Do you have a moment or something like that?  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:09:25    You match, basically, you mirror where he is and you match where he is, that’s the pacing bit. And then after you do that, a few times, you can start slowly leading him somewhere else, basically instead of mirroring him and mirroring his state, you start moving the state up, you know? So you might go from being very depressed to being sort of neutral, you know, in your tone, or from being neutral, to being sort of upbeat and enthusiastic. And if you do this effectively, you will find out that that state change translates to the other person. You know, that’s why actually pacing and leading can be so effective. And I mean, you have to assess the emotional state of your prospect immediately. And I mean, for those of you who are working online, pacing and leading can still work, because I mean, you do have buyer personas and you sort of know what state. based on the ad that they’d seen, people would be when they come to your landing page, right?  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:10:27    So you don’t move from the state that they’re in in the ad. You know, let’s say that they are very afraid because of whatever the ad said, you don’t move suddenly to a state where they’re being ecstatic in the landing page, right? That would be a mistake. You have to pace them. You have to start the landing page similar to the ad, right? And then by the end of it, you move them to the state where they’re ecstatic. They have a solution through your product and whatever. So, um, I want you to know that this doesn’t work just verbally or physically. It also works through writing. You have to be a bit creative with it, but you can definitely do it. And it’s very powerful. The fourth secret that I wanted to share is basically asking meaningful questions that allow you to control the conversation. So the, the person who is asking the questions is basically the person who guides the conversation.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:11:19    You know, we have the wrong impression that the person who talks the most is the one who is controlling the conversation, but that’s not how it goes. You know, the guy who is asking you, who is directing the flow of the conversation, because by asking you are directing the flow of the conversation and you change what the other person focuses on. That’s the guy who is in control. You know? So if I ask you, what do you stand to lose if you say no to this deal? Or what’s going to happen if you don’t buy this today? You’re obviously going to start focusing on those things, right? So you’re going to ask yourself, oh, so what’s actually going to happen, right? So that’s where asking meaningful questions is very important for rapport. Asking meaningful questions means that you ask questions that the other party’s comfortable answering and that the other party finds useful to answer. 


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:12:13    Right? So if you just met someone, you can’t ask them, it wouldn’t be a meaningful question. I mean, if you ask them how much money are you making straight off the bat like that because people wouldn’t, they don’t feel comfortable enough to give you that kind of information yet. So you have to start with more meaningful questions. Like what sort of job do you do, or what’s holding you back at work or whatever question is more meaningful to them. And they would be happy to answer. He takes a bit of practice, you know, to find out what questions are actually meaningful, but it’s definitely very, very useful. So we talked about pace and lead already. We also have another technique, which is basically secret number five, which we call future pacing. And with this technique, you tend to use it towards the later stages of your sales interaction.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:13:05    And basically what you do is you help the person see the consequences of him making the purchase. Obviously the good consequences. You future pace it, which means that you get them to imagine the consequences, you know? So, um, you could future pace the purchase let’s say of a new Ferrari, right? You’re the Ferrari salesman. So you can ask them, you know, you ask them. So, um, how would you feel, you know, taking your wife for a ride in this baby. And they were already their mind, you know, it’s going to go into the future and they already see themselves owning the Ferrari with their wife in the car. And he might be like, oh man, my wife is totally going to love it. And that’s how you use it. So he, he gets to see that you care about him. That’s what future pacing helps with. 


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:13:54    And it also helps him to basically build trust with you. He, he gets that you care about him and that you want to help him and you want him to get to that future position. So the same thing is obviously true when you do copywriting and you can use this both negatively and positively. So you can future pace. What’s going to happen if they don’t take action. Right? So let’s say that you have somebody who is like on the sidelines. You know, he’s not sure if he wants to take action. So you future pace the negatives, you know, you’re not going to take action. You’re not going to buy this product. Now what’s going to happen in the future in a, in one month, you know, in two months or in whatever timeframe and you, you help them see it. And this can be very, very useful in copywriting, but it’s equally useful when it comes to in person.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:14:43    And in fact, it’s a bit more powerful in person. So that’s number five. Let’s move on to number six, which is find common ground. So, um, we already told, and we already mentioned the bit about likeability, right? So one thing that makes people like you is if they see that you’re like them. So when you find common ground with someone, it lets them know that you like them and they can trust you. They feel like they know you already, like they want to be around you. And so on. They’re more likely to start revealing information that they wouldn’t give otherwise. So how do you find common ground? You know, you notice stuff about the other person. So if you’re in person, you can notice stuff. Do they have, let’s say football on their desk. Do they have a tennis racket in their office? You know, whatever it is.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:15:31    And if that’s a common ground for you, then you can definitely bring it up. You know, you can say, oh, I didn’t know that you play tennis. You know? Um, it’s my favorite sport? Where do you play? Would you like to play maybe sometime? Whatever it is. So finding common ground can be very powerful. And I mean, if you don’t find common ground that way, I mean, or if you’re online or you’re over the phone with them, by asking them questions, you know, about themselves, their work and so on, you can find common ground. You know, maybe you find that for example, they went in the military and you also did some service in the military. So there you go. That’s common ground. You can tell them, oh, I was also a soldier or whatever. And that’s going to show them that you’re like them.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:16:14    And obviously in writing, when you’re doing copywriting, you find common ground through research. You know, you identify the kind of language that people use. You start using the same sort of language in your landing page and in your ad. And that’s how you show people that you get them. All right? So let’s move on. So secret number seven, which is basically to implement humor. This is not so effective in writing because humor is more difficult to get across, but it’s very effective in person. You know? So if you can crack a joke, if you can do something goofy that still makes you look professional and so on, that can be very effective. And the reason it’s effective is because it changes, people’s state, you know, so let’s see they’re at work and they’re bored. They’re not in a happy state. They’re not really in a state where they’re open to buy stuff, right?  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:17:12    So if you crack a good joke and they start laughing and they start interacting with you, they sort of let their guard down. Their state suddenly changes. So that’s actually the function of entertainment. So if you think about great entertainers, they help people change their state. You know, so they are in a depressed mood, uh, before they went to that concert and then they were very happy. So that’s what great entertainment does. And that’s what humor can actually help you do in your own interactions. Obviously, be careful with the kind of humor you use. So, I mean, don’t use dark humor or any kind of humor that’s on the sidelines or some people will not get, unless of course, you know, that that person understands that type of humor. You know what I mean? You can run yourself in a lot of difficulties that way. I mean, let’s say that you crack a political joke, for example, and you crack a political joke about Donald Trump and your prospect likes Donald Trump.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:18:07    That’s not going to land very well with them. You know? So I mean, use the information that you already have about the prospect when it comes to making jokes and make appropriate jokes. And if you don’t have much information, perhaps you should resort to these technique at a later stage. All right. So now secret number eight is basically empathy. So when it comes to empathy, what is most important is that you show the prospect that you care about them. You know, that you’re not just talking with them to make a sale, for example, because if they think that you’re just talking with them and you’re sitting with them in their office, or you’re calling them just to make a sale, they’re not going to be very happy about that. They’re going to feel used, and they’re not going to feel ready to actually buy from you. So in order to reverse that and to build rapport with them, you have to show that you care about them.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:19:04    You know, if they say something that something is important to them, don’t just brush over it and move on to your sales presentation or whatever, you know, actually take it into account. And the way you show empathy on the web in terms of copy is to research. You know, you research what these people care about on average, and you implement it in your work copy. That’s how you show empathy. That’s how you show that you care about the things that they care about. And it’s, it’s super important to get them to open up. I mean, are you thinking about yourself? Are you more likely to submit a form? If you know that the, if the copy on the page lets you know that the person gets you and understands you. Of course you are. I mean, that’s, that’s how buying and selling works. So empathy is really important.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:19:54    Technique number nine is basically called labeling and this can also be part of active listening. And what’s basically involved here is that somebody tells you something, right? So let’s say that they say, I think that so-and-so company isn’t doing very well. Labeling that may, may sound something like, so you think it’s possible for so-and-so to go bankrupt for example, or they tell you that I feel sort of angry with my colleague. He didn’t really get back to me and I don’t know what to do. So when they say that you can tell them something like, it sounds like you’re feeling frustrated. So you’re labeling what they’re feeling, the emotion that they’re feeling or you’re labeling what they’re thinking, you know, but maybe are not saying, and that can get them to open up and say more about that. You know, if you, the company example, they may have been afraid to say that they think that you’ll go bankrupt.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:20:56    So they might be, when you say it like that, they might be like, oh yeah, I do think that they will go bankrupt. Or yeah, I am actually frustrated with him because blah, blah, blah. And they will go on. So they will give you more information. That’s where labeling really comes in. Secret number 10 is basically eye contact. So eye contact obviously doesn’t apply online, but in person, it’s very important that you establish a solid eye contact, but you don’t have like a piercing gaze, you know, you don’t stare at them. You don’t make them feel uncomfortable or any of that stuff. Right? So, I mean, you have to tone it down. It has to be a relaxed gaze, but it has to be a gaze that tells them that you’re interested in them. You care about them and you want what’s best for them. You know, that’s what you’re trying to communicate.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:21:49    So it’s very important that you look in their eyes, right? So when you talking with them, don’t look at the floor, don’t look to the left or I look at them, you know, make them feel cared, but at the same time don’t, you know, so try to strike that balance. Secret number 11, which is very, very powerful is basically tonality. And you want to use your tonality as a salesperson to convey certain attitudes. The most important attitudes are certainty, confidence, and empathy, right? These are the attitudes that you want to convey through your tonality. So, um, how do you convey certainty and why is that important to convey through your tonality? Well, the reason why it’s important is because it positions you as an authority, right? So if I speak to you with certainty and I’m convinced about what I say, it’s very likely that you will also be convinced.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:22:45    So, I mean, you saw that difference, right? So if you change your tone, you can change the meaning of what you’re saying. So it’s not so much what you’re saying to people, but it’s how you’re saying it. You know, if you say it in a way that conveys that you don’t know what you’re talking about. So for example, if you go like, um, yeah, I’m not very sure, then obviously that doesn’t seem like an expert. You know, if they ask you a question, that’s how you answer. They will think that you are a bum, right? And they’re not gonna like you. They’re not going to feel safe buying from you. So tonality can be very effective in building rapport because it positions you as an authority. If you can speak with certainty. So you have to practice. I mean, you have to find the tone that you naturally use when you feel confident and certain about something, you know, and that’s the tone that you want to use.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:23:40    And it tends to be different for most people. But when you hear it, you know it, and this decisiveness that you can find in somebody’s tone is very, very powerful. So the, the guy that I learned this from is actually Jordan Belfort. And I think that Jordan Belfort is pretty much the best in the world when it comes to tonality, especially when it comes to the tonality that conveys certainty, I have honestly not seen or heard someone who speaks like he does in terms of tonality and who uses it so effectively. At the same time, your tonality should not be aggressive. I mean, yeah, you should be confident and you should know what you’re talking about, but you don’t want to come across as aggressive and come across as if you don’t care about the other person. No, you want to come across with empathy.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:24:29    Like you care about them. And you’re the expert who has the solution that they need. And I mean, this is very effective. And I mean, if you want to learn more about tonality, Jordan Belfort’s Straight Line Persuasion Course is great, as is his book, the Way of the Wolf. And I mean, you can get the audiobook because that’s going to obviously help a bit more with the tonality, but the best is definitely the course Straight Line Persuasion. So I can highly, highly recommend that. Yeah. And basically secret number 12, we’re almost getting to the end of this is your state and I mean your emotional state. So obviously if you approach, we talked about, so keep this in the context of, um, pace and lead, right? So we talked about entering their state initially and so on. Right? But the fact is that your state is very important.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:25:19    So I mean, you don’t want to go into a sales call or interact with your prospect. If you’re in a very low state, right? You’re low energy, you feel tired, you feel depressed, you are unhappy, whatever, because that’s going to translate over to them. They’re not going to trust you. They’re not going to open up. They’re not going to feel confident about you. So getting into the right state before is very important and powerful ways to do this are big physical movements. You know? So if you position your body in such a way that you usually position it when you feel certain, you know, that might be your chest out, your head up, whatever, then you may actually trigger that state in you. You can also imagine a moment when you’re certain or when you’re feeling confident and go back to that state, you can use an anchor sort of the way they do it in NLP, where you anchor the state of certainty, maybe to a certain motion, a certain set of words that trigger it, a certain gesture like you saw, for example, in tennis, how Rafael Nadal, he has his gestures before he serves, right?  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:26:28    So that’s an anchor that sort of awakens the serving state and he can go into it and do it perfectly. Or, I mean, you can also anchor it to stuff like a smell. You know, maybe you have a certain perfume or something that awakens it, but whatever it is, it’s important that you have it there and you have a way to trigger this positive, upbeat state, enthusiastic state on demand when you need it. And this is definitely going to come in very, very useful in terms of your sales activity for you. So that’s about it. Those are the 12 secrets of building rapport. And remember that building rapport, in my opinion, is the key to sales. I mean, if you’re effective at building rapport, you can get the information that you need. And if you get the information that you need, closing them is just… almost happens by itself.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:27:21    You know? And I mean, if you learn all these secrets, you’re going to be a lot more effective as a Salesperson. And I mean, you can apply these, many of them in writing as well. So if you’re a copywriter very useful to you, if you’re an entrepreneur supremely useful to you, I mean, sales as an entrepreneur comes in when you talk to your employees, to customers, to investors, pretty much to everyone. So mastering these are going to be key. And of course, even to your personal relationships, I mean, if you learn these things, you can start using them in your personal relationships and it’s going to make a big, big difference. So I mean, to summarize the 12 secrets are: active listening, which basically means that you show the other person that you’re present with them and you’re listening to them, you understand them. That’s number one, number two, mirroring, where you mirror the few words that they use or gestures that they do or ways of behaving, uh, basically shows them you like them.


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:28:21    Pacing and leading, you start by mirroring them, enter into a similar state to them. And then you lead them to a different state. You change after you mirror them a few times, you make a change and they will follow suit. Number four, ask meaningful questions. So that means questions that they are comfortable answering based on the level of rapport you’ve built with them followed by the next technique, which is future pacing, which basically gets them to imagine the future state with your product, or if you’re doing it in writing gets them to imagine the consequences of not taking action, not buying your product or of actually buying it and going through with it. Next one we have, I believe number six, which is find common ground. You have is to look for things you have in common. Look around their office. Use the conversation for stimulus, show that you’re like them, if you can. 


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:29:14    Number seven is to use humor. We already said why this is very effective. It helps to change their state instantly, but you must be careful to choose the right kind of humor for the person. And if you don’t know much about it, it might be better to just test the grounds a bit or just avoid humor until you find out more. Number eight was basically empathy, showing them that you care about them. Number nine was labeling, helping them understand the feelings that they have, what they want to say but they are not saying. And so on. Labeling also gets them to talk more about those things. Uh, number 10 is eye contact. So remember you have to look at them, but don’t stare at them. Number 11, tonality, how you speak with them, convey, certainty, and convey that you care about them through your tone and number 12, your state, your emotional state, you know, so try to go into a peak state where you’re confident, you’re ready to go.  


Tudor Dumitrescu     00:30:11    You believe in yourself, you believe in the product and you believe that it can help them. And I mean, if you follow these 12 secrets of building rapport, I think that you can see your sales numbers improved dramatically, but you need to be consistent about them. Write the 12 secrets down, you know, I mean, you can get them off our website, in the show notes, get the 12 secrets and start using them, you know, make sure that you use them, practice it. And you’re going to see yourself becoming more effective. So that’s pretty much it for today. Thank you for listening once again and stay tuned for the next episode. 


Tudor Dumitrescu    00:30:49    And until next time, keep growing your business and providing massive value to the world. Remember you are the reason why we’re all growing richer. Our freedoms are expanding and we’re all living in greater prosperity. Thank you. And until next time.

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